Reason To Breathe
by asel92
Summary: Edward thought he could save Bella from everything. But it turns out, he can't save her from herself.


**So I'm trying my eye at a tragedy...**

You watched as she carefully crossed the street, making sure she looked both sides. _My God, she's so stunning,_ you think. You see her eyes catch yours upon her. You see the corners of her mouth uplift into a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. That's the way it's been these last few months.

She's changed. She's become more distant. She wants more time by herself without you. The idea of her not needing or wanting you makes your heart ache.

She makes her way over to you and you take a hold of her hand. You place your lips in her hair in a light kiss. She glances down for a second and closes her eyes. When they open they are searching your face. You don't know for what, but you desperately want to give her what she's looking for.

"Bella," You say, "Are you alright?" Your brows knit together in worry. Her behavior has gotten worse, and you can't help but to wonder if you are the cause of all this.

She looks back up at you. "I'm fine," Is all she says. She's not, though. You can tell by looking into those chocolate orbs that she is not fine at all. Bella has never lied to you before. She _could_ never lie to you. You close your eyes and run a hand through your copper hair, sighing.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." She flashes you another fake smile. Suddenly you feel angry.

"Alright then, let's be on our way." You decide not to press the matter. When she's ready to talk, she will, you tell yourself.

"Actually, Edward," her gloomy eyes glance up nervously at you, "I'll go home alone tonight." Your heart sinks into the depthless pit of your stomach.

"If you're sure…" You hope, you _pray_, silently, that she'll jump up and shout _'Just kidding,'_ and instantly things would go back to the way they were months ago.

"I'm sure." It feels as if a knife has gone through your chest.

You make your way over to your car and climb in, watching her with your careful eyes. You take in everything about her graceful figure. The way her chestnut hair swishes as she walks. You watch as her slender, pale fingers open the door. You feel like a stalker as you watch her climb into her antique, red truck.

Your eyes never leave the truck until it was out of the parking lot, and too distant for your eyes to see.

You lean forward and press your head against the steering wheel, feeling emotionally exhausted by the anxiety you are feeling.

Bella had never acted this way before. You feel powerless and afraid. Before all this, you thought of yourself as being there for Bella always.

You decide to watch Bella for the night, make sure she's okay. You quickly drive to your house, park the car, and noiselessly make your way over to Bella's home. When you arrive you watch her through a window. She is sitting on her couch watching TV. She's not really paying attention, you see, because she stays like this even when commercials come on.

She stays like this for about ten minutes before getting up and heading towards the kitchen. You make your way over to another window in her house to see what she does there.

She opens a drawer and pulls out two pieces of paper. At first you assume she's doing schoolwork, but then you notice her book bag, unopened, in the corner of the room. She's writing a note.

You want to see what it says, but going any closer than you already were would alert her of your presence. When she is finished with the note she places it in an envelope. She labels the envelope 'Charlie'. Instantly you wonder if she's going somewhere, but you know that she would never leave with at least telling you.

As you tell yourself this, a doubtful voice in your head reminds you of the fact that you are a hazard to her very health. Perhaps she had realized this, and decided to leave you. You quickly push this thought away.

The anguish it brings you is unbearable.

You notice Bella pull out another piece of paper and begin to write on that too. This is significantly shorter than the previous.

She closes that one and begins to cry. You watch in misery as the tears silently stream down her beautiful face. With a heart-wrenching tug, you see that she is labeling the envelope with your name.

She sits there for a moment, holding her head in her hands. You long to go in and hold her comfortingly in your arms. The feeling is overwhelming. You restrain yourself. _She probably needs some time alone,_ you tell yourself.

After a few moments she gets up. She makes her way up the stairs. You climb the tree to watch Bella, but she goes into the bathroom instead of her room. Silently opening her window you climb into her room, and make your way down to the bathroom. She's filling the bathtub up with water. You can clearly hear it. A bath would do her well.

You hear her open cabinets and take things out. They're heavy, you can tell.

You decide to go downstairs while she's bathing to read the note she wrote you. You're nervous about reading it.

_Dear Edward, _it starts.

_Life, these past few weeks, has become unbearable. The only thing that has kept me going on is you,, but even that thought brings me misery because I know that you deserve so much more than what I could ever give you. I love you so much and this hurts, but there's nothing I can do. My soul has long since died, and my body remains. The right thing would be to erase that, as well. Please, for me, do not place any blame on yourself. I love you so much._

_Bella._

(A/N: Blah. I'm horrible at writing dramatic notes. tehe. Sorry for ruining the mood:D)

With a sickening comprehension you realize what Bella has planned for herself. You rush as fast as you can to the bathroom and yank the door off its hinges.

You stop as you see a hairdryer, straightener, a radio, a TV, and other plug in equipment submerged in water, and Bella has turned toward you, staring at you with the saddest expression you've ever seen on her lovely face. Her foot is hovering over the dangerous water.

Time moves in slow motion as you watch her foot lower itself into the water. You rush forth and wrap your arms around her slender waist, pulling her back.

You embrace her tightly, as tightly as possible without hurting her. She feels so small in your strong arms. She presses herself tighter against your chest.

You place your hands on her shoulders and push her back to look into her face. Her head is bowed down, and you know that she is refusing to look into your eyes. She feels guilty. You cup her face and force her to look up at you.

Finally her eyes meet yours.

"_Why?"_ Your voice breaks. A dry sob escapes your throat.

Tears begin to fall down her face. It's at this moment you wish you could cry along with her. The pain that you feel has no way of showing itself. It has no way of breaking the shackles tying it to your heart.

You release her and walk over to the tub, turning the water off before it overflows. You unplug everything, as well as the drain.

Bella leaves the bathroom as you watch the water level sink slowly. You feel uneasy about letting her go, but you do.

You make your way down the stairs and walk towards the kitchen. You see Bella sitting in a chair, her eyes are staring blankly at the wall in front of her, tears are making their way down her face, dripping off her chin.

"Bella?"

She stays motionless for a moment before slowly turning her head to look at you. The despair in her eyes is almost too much for you.

You take a seat next to her and uncertainly put your hand on top of hers. You have no idea what is welcome to her from you.

To your slight delight she responds by grasping your hand tightly. You pull her towards you and sit her on your lap. You hold onto her tightly.

"I'm sorry," Is all she says.

"I love you, Bella." You reassure her.

She says the words that you have missed.

"_I love you, too."_

You make your way down the hall, the wretched smell of medicine lingering in your over acute nostrils. You stop at the front desk, Alice right behind you.

"Isabella Swan?" you ask, smoothly.

The attendant looks up at you. She's startled by your appearance. She rakes her eyes up and down your body. You feel violated by this and her vulgar thoughts.

Finally, she reluctantly drags her eyes away from you and looks into a file.

"I'm sorry," She says, "She is under family only visits."

"Oh, don't worry," You wink at her, "I won't be long." She feels surprised at your forward actions.

"All right," she agrees. "She's in room 24B."

She presses a button that opens the door. You and Alice walk in and make your way down the long hallway. You miss her so much. It's been almost two weeks since you've last seen her. You would have visited her sooner, but Carlisle insisted that she needed some time away from you. How would she be? You desperately hope that things would return to normal after this.

You take in your surroundings. You see patients, in their flimsy gowns being guided around by escorts.

"You've gone to far," says Alice. You have almost forgotten that she's with you. You find her presence and support reassuring. She looks at you and smiles, which you try unsuccessfully to return.

"Don't worry," she says.

"Easier said than done." You reply.

You turn around and make your way back down. The numbers grow smaller, 30…28…26…24…24B. Your hand reaches for the knob, but it wavers. Alice turns to look at you. _Don't worry_, she mentally tells you.

You take an unnecessary deep breath. You clench your hand into a fist. You rap your knuckles against the door.

One knock, two knocks.

You stop and wait for an answer. You knock again until you hear a feeble voice call: "Come in."

You grasp the door knob and open the door. In the corner of the room, on a flimsy cot, sits a very small girl. The circles under her eyes are deep. You can see that she's barely anything more than skin and bones. Bella is almost unrecognizable.

Her head turns towards you, and as soon as she sees your face hers instantly lights up. She jumps up and runs toward you, wrapping her arms around your waist.

She looks up at you and smiles. Unlike the others, this smile reaches her eyes.

"I've missed you," she whispers.

"I love you," you say back.

You are unprepared for what happens later that day. You are sitting in your room listening to the album Bella had given you last summer. You are thinking about the day that has passed. How nice it was to hold Bella in your arms and talk with her. Your conversation could have gone on for another hour, but the attendant came and declared you had stayed long enough. Alice had not even gotten a chance to talk to Bella, but she didn't mind. You're happy at how well she's progressed.

It's half past two in the morning, and the ringing of your phone slices through the calming silence. You check the caller ID.

It reads: FORKS HOSPITAL.

Instantly you snap open the phone. "Hello?" you cry. The distress in your voice is extremely noticeable.

"Is this Edward Cullen?"

"Yes."

"I'm afraid I have some bad news…" The female voice trails off.

You wait, but she says nothing.

"You were good friends with Isabella Swan, am I correct?" she asks.

"Yes." You say. You miserably notice that she is using past tense.

"Well I'm afraid that today at approximately 1:43 she had-" You snap the phone shut because you already know what she's going to say.

The funeral takes place on a cloudy day, the clouds threatening to release their moisture. You watch the priest bless Bella's dead body.

You watch the casket's lid close upon her corpse. You watch the coffin being lowered into the ground. You watch others around you weep.

You are watching all this, as you watch yourself drown.

**Share your thoughts on this story. And about my story "New In Town"...well you can consider on hiatus. I have no idea where I want to go with that. Hope you enjoyed this though:)**

**-Smiz**


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